Single Ladies

"You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie."

I've never actually seen Sleepless in Seattle (but it's on demand, so I'm starting it tomorrow), but this quote has always been glued into my brain. It's true. For as much as I think I want to be in love, I really don't. I want to be in love in a movie.

I recently joined 20 Something Bloggers and one discussion board topic asked the impossible question: Why are you single?

Why am I single?

For my first three years of college, I hated this about myself. There were girls everywhere that were meaner than me and not as pretty as me that were with really attractive, really sweet, really smart, really funny guys. What was the problem?! Besides the fact that, you know, I'm socially awkward sometimes. This is especially maddening, even still, since I had a level of confidence that bordered on arrogant in high school, but that seemed to have left me the minute I stepped foot on campus the first time.

Then, after joining a sorority, I met quite a few girls in serious relationships, 3/4 of the couples are now engaged. ENGAGED?! I'm old enough to know people that are getting married?! When did that happen?? More importantly, how do I make it stop? I realize part of this is because I attend a Catholic university, where a lot of my peers grew up with the expectation and desire to be married with a baby or two by twenty-five.

That's when I realized I wouldn't want to be in a relationship. Why am I single? I'm afraid of commitment, first and foremost...and most importantly. I have zero desire to be in a serious relationship. I have zero desire to be married by the time that I'm twenty-five...I'm not even sure I want to be married when I turn thirty. I definitely don't want kids. If I could get my tubes tied tomorrow, I would. To be frank, the only reason why I want a relationship is because I'm still a virgin and I don't want to remain one until I'm married. No, thank you. It's just not for me. If you're going to do it, GOOD FOR YOU!

It bothers me that I feel like people my age are dating to get married, because that doesn't interest me in the slightest. I'd like to have a serious relationship to say that I've had a serious relationship post-high school, where nothing seems to be considered serious, anyway. I feel as though when you're in your twenties, though, and you start dating seriously, people start wondering when you and said significant other are going to take the next step. Why do I have to? I have my entire life ahead of me.

I also think I'm single because I'm too passionate. I have several beliefs and I'm very vocal about them and they are deal breakers. I'm very liberal, for instance, and I don't think I could date someone actively (politically) conservative. I like cats, which sounds silly, but I can't see my life without a cat in the future. I don't want children (yes, this could change) and I don't want someone who would want children right away. I love musical theater and I couldn't be with someone who couldn't at least tolerate it for me. I don't want to stay in my city, so what's the point of finding someone right now?

Why am I single? I'm an emotional trainwreck. I want to get close and will get needy and clingy if I'm feeling neglected, but then when I get too much attention, I feel suffocated and want, no kind of need to cut and run. I'm more trouble than I'm worth, it seems - my words, no one else's.

I'm single because I spent Monday and Tuesday stalking Taylor Lautner outside of a local high school and accidentally ended up on the news. Because I have a bad temper, because I sometimes like to play games, and because I'm the girl next door, one of the guys - not the girl of your dreams.

I used to hate this about myself and tried to become a girl of one's dreams, but...it's easier to just be me. I'm just glad I'm realizing this at twenty-one instead of forty-one. I'm embracing being single because there's a ton I want to do. I want to travel Europe. Move to New York. Maybe move to San Diego. Get my Ph.D in Cinema Studies from NYU. Make a name for myself. Publish a book. Be my own security blanket. Being in a relationship won't help make any of that possible.

I'm single because I don't want to be considered selfish at the expense of someone else. I'm single because I'm twenty-one and deserve to be selfish. Besides, casually dating is seriously underrated and makes life fuller.

I'm single for my own good.

"Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" by Beyonce; 2008

Ours

"This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, this is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in Philosophy because there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent."

I realize that in my previous rant, I never actually REVIEWED Eclipse. So, Bella and Edward aside, I actually liked this movie and it makes me wish that "The Twilight Saga" was only a trilogy, so that it would end on a high note.

I think that this was the best acted, funniest, most action packed Twilight film so far. I think it did lack the immediacy that the original had, but it didn't make it less exciting, though it would've added to the action. I never really felt the rush to train and the impending terror from the newborn army. They were just kinda there.

I missed Rachelle Lefevre as Victoria, a lot, but Bryce Dallas Howard wasn't as horrendous as I thought she would be, frankly. Xavier Samuel kind of stole the movie as Riley. He was GREAT. Billy Burke also made this movie. This was by far his best performance and I found myself becoming more Team Charlie than Edward or Jacob.

That being said, as an adaptation, I thought the movie kind of fell flat. Eclipse was my favorite book and it made me laugh and cry. I didn't feel Jacob's pain of being in love with someone in love with someone else nearly as much as I did in the book. My heart didn't break like it did in the book and that was disappointing.

Yet, as a standalone, I thought the writing was really stepped up. I LOVED Jessica's valedictorian speech. Some parts were still melodramatic (Edward saying "my reason for existing" instead of "the girl I love" for example), but it was toned down considerably between New Moon and Eclipse.

Eclipse, in my opinion, earns a solid B. Let's be real, none of these movies are going to win an Oscar any time soon. They're fun, fluffy little films and the sooner people realize it, the less scary Twi-hards will be. I wish that Summit had the same faith in Twilight fans that Warner Brothers has in Harry Potter fans. I would have waited until Deathly Hallows was over for Eclipse and I feel that the rush to get it out is why I'm so neutral about the film adaptation of my favorite book in the series.

As an aside, Taylor Lautner is filming in Pittsburgh. He surprised Eclipse viewers at the Waterfront theater. I wasn't there. I want to die. If he leaves Pittsburgh and I don't manage to get a glimpse of him...I will die.

"Ours" by The Bravery; 2010

Never Think

"He's like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."

This is kinda long. Sorry, I have a lot of beef with this idea.

So, I've been thinking a lot about Eclipse lately. I went to see it at midnight and then again yesterday, wondering why it didn't really have an effect on me the first time. Surprisingly, this cheap, silly, fluffy film has got me thinking a lot about myself. Why was it rubbing me so wrong? This was my favorite book in the series, everyone was declaring "The best Twilight yet!" and somehow...I felt nothing.

Then, towards the end of yesterday's viewing of the film, I realized what it was that I don't like about it. I really detest Edward Cullen. I can hear crazed fangirl hearts breaking all over the world and plots of my death right now, but...I'm sorry. I just don't like the guy. This goes beyond my being on Team Jacob (sorry, I am), to the fact that he's kind of a huge douche.

Yes, I've said it. Edward Cullen is a douche and his relationship...Bella and Edward's relationship embodies everything I don't want. Ever. He's a lying, manipulative douchebag. Things he admits to in Twilight ("Everything about me invites you in.") and New Moon ("You can't trust vampires, trust me."), only solidify these in Eclipse when he lies to Bella not once, not twice, but continually throughout the movie/book. He lies about Alice's vision, even though it directly affects her safety. He screws with her engine. He won't let her visit Jake, her best friend who stopped her from killing herself when Edward went MIA. He manipulates her into telling Jake she (stupidly) accepted Edward's marriage proposal. Maybe he should be a little more appreciative to Jacob, since this kid saved his "reason for existing" when she was suicidal because of HIM. There is nothing honest about this guy.

His possessiveness is borderline abusive and the first sign to look for in abusive relationships. He's so clingy, it makes me sick. And don't even get me started on Bella. She's a sad and sorry excuse for a modern woman. I despise the way the reader/viewer is tricked into thinking she's really making this decision for herself because she feels "more like myself" in the vampire world, rather than making such a rash decision by being a horny teenager, like she actually is.

It's a melodramatic action, to be willing to throw one's entire life away family, friends everything, just for a boy you love at seventeen, to entirely change for the boy you love. A melodramatic action that only a naive seventeen year old would make, which is why this is kind of believable. What isn't is Charlie's acceptance of all this. Yeah, I know Bella's legally an adult, but there's NO WAY Charlie would be okay with this. Ever. He's actually a decent parental unit. He would've stepped in.

But that gets me on the tangent of Breaking Dawn, which I'm not even touching right now (you're not Harry Potter).

The thing that really trips me up is...are there really girls that feel this way? That find this possessiveness romantic? I remember being infatuated with Edward Cullen (until New Moon happened, because I am a modern woman and Jacob is the more modern man) when I was in high school. Thank GOD I didn't read this when I was more impressionable. Thank GOD I don't have a crappy mom. Who knows what I'd believe about the sanctity of marriage and falling in love in high school.

I was very much in love in high school. I still love him very much, but I'd never in a million years want to marry him. At least not without experiencing my twenties first. Who knows, we very well could end up together, but if we do, at least I won't be wondering "What if?" like Bella Swan (more than likely) realistically would in ten years when it's too late and she feels what Rosalie told her.

It just...it's obviously not just me, but it's also, in some ways, just me...I think if you get married that young...in today's day and age...you're throwing your life away. I know, there's that "OMIGOD! YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE ONE. IF YOU MET THE ONE, YOU'D KNOW!" romanticism, but...I don't think I would. I could very well meet the one and that's great, but I wouldn't let myself marry him. Not now. My life is just beginning. There's so much I want to do that I don't want to be tied down for? I want to move to New York and live in a crappy apartment above an Indian restaurant, which makes the whole place smell like curry. I want to lay on the beach in LA and write a book. I want to go to grad school. I want to go to Paris for six months. I want to live alone for a little. I want to live with roommates a little. Most importantly, I just want to live.

Is there nothing Bella wanted to do? Did she not want to live? Because ultimately, she is begging for her murder...asking for suicide. Yeah, it's morbid when it's tossed in your face in such blunt language, isn't it?

Obviously, everything worked out great for her and she managed to get it all so why not get married to the boy that makes your palms sweat and your cheeks rosy junior year of high school? Everything will come up roses if you follow that plan of action. You change for the boy of your dreams (UGH) and magically it's for the better. You get the best friend. The family...and most important the guy you changed for at the end of it all. And maybe a "little nudger" to make your family complete.

Maybe it's just my cynicism, but just that thought makes me itch. I can't imagine being twenty-one with a child and a husband. Jacob was actually right in Eclipse when he said something along the lines of "I can't believe you're ending your life before you really even lived." Jessica elaborates in her valedictorian speech: "Now is the time to make mistakes" (kudos screenwriter, you knocked that out of the ball park). It is the time to live, it is the time to make mistakes. Not change for your husband and abandon your support system.

I'm just offended by Stephenie Meyer setting us back in time. I'll end this with the same Facebook status I had after I saw New Moon:

Bella Swan: Setting women back since 2005.

Thanks for nothing.

"Never Think" (aptly titled) by Rob Pattinson; 2008

Goodbye

"But the only thing really that there is to do is forgive and forget. So, I really do, I want to forgive you...and I want to forget you."

Yes, I know it's from The Hills. THE HILLS?! But this exchange between former best friends Lauren and Heidi has come into my mind a lot as of late. With the recent demise of my friendship with Tom and watching Jill and Bethenny fall apart on The Real Housewives of NYC, I got to thinking about friendships.

I know that good friends last a lifetime, but how do you know someone's a really good friend. A friend should love you no matter what, right? A friend should listen to whatever you have to say and not judge you for it (perhaps guide you in a proper direction, but never judge). A friend should listen as much as they talk. A friend shouldn't talk about you behind your back (unless they're planning an intervention, in which case they're just being a good friend).

However, I've noticed a lot of my friends don't really fill this criteria. My so-called best friend (though, she thinks we are more than I do) judges me for dating people, being friends with people, etc. We're growing apart, even though we went to the same college and I'm more willing to accept it than her. It's really sad, but it's a part of life.

The one girl I've known forever, I would consider her my best friend, but I don't get to see her or talk to her very often. We're growing apart, but in a different way where we can kind of pick up right where we left off. I'm a senior in college. There's no prospect even the slightest bit on the horizon, but with a decent amount of my friends/people I know engaged, I sometimes think about my wedding way down the line and I honestly have no idea who my Maid of Honor would be...or my Mister of Honor.

In high school it was my on-again/off-again now ex-boyfriend that hands down would've been my Best Man. Now...I have no idea. And I HATE that so many people are getting married that I'm thinking about it. I'm not a committal person. I don't really like commitment. What difference does it make? I'll find one. Yet, it's still nagging me.

But then, I'm moving (fingers crossed). I'm a senior in college. I'm applying to grad schools. Five schools. One in Pittsburgh. Who knows what will happen if I relocate to NYC or SoCal? I just really hope I end up there. I don't want to be stuck here for two more years.

I feel like I'm hitting a rut and I'm far too young for that. Trying to get in shape is awful. I just don't get running! Like my friend Katelyn goes running and she's all, "No, you need to just run for like fifteen minutes and then your endorphins kick in and it's easy."

...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RUN THAT LONG? I can't even make it entirely around the block before my stomach feels flippy and my legs just want to buckle? Maybe if I didn't live in Pittsburgh, one of the hilliest places on the planet it'd be easier, but going up and down hill makes it impossible. I played field hockey and steered clear of cross country in high school for a reason.

I just wish I could wiggle my nose and be in shape. It's beyond even wanting to lose weight anymore, I just want to be able to walk up a hill and not huff and puff like an 80 year-old lifelong smoker. I still have a little more than a month before I head back to school, let's make this happen, right? Focusing on working out does help take my mind off of all the friendship nonsense that started this post, which is good :) If anyone has workout tips/healthy advice, please share! I'm drowning here.

"Goodbye" by The Spice Girls; 1998

You've Got a Friend in Me...

"The toys are back in town."

Disney definitely knows how to promote a new film. Especially a Disney/Pixar collaboration and frankly, why shouldn't they? All seven of Disney/Pixar films have been a commercial success to this point, why should Toy Story 3 be any different? Well, it isn't. It was everything I imagined and more after an eleven year absence.

Andy is all grown-up and he moves past his toys. The movie opens with all of them (even Woody and Buzz) tossed in a toy box, forgotten for who knows how long. Desperate just to be held, the toys try to get Andy's attention by hiding his cell phone in the toy box and calling it. Unfortunately it doesn't entirely work.

Andy's mom strolls in and pops the statement most college students hate to hear: "It's time to pack up your room!" Faced with a box full of toys and his younger sister's eagerness to takeover his room, he's left with the options of: attic, trash/donations, college. To keep Molly occupied, their mom tells her to donate some more of her toys to the ironically named Sunnyside Daycare Center, and pop! in goes Barbie as Molly is now more focused on MP3 players.
Simply put, a mix-up happens and the toys all wind-up at the daycare center where they are forced to be with the crazy toddlers who abuse toys. Many great and (some) evil toys and new characters are introduced at this point in the film - most of which are just as charming as the usual suspects. As a devoted fan of Hamm, I was excited that he was still around and to see a sequence featuring Evil Dr. Porkchop. However, it's Mrs. Potatohead that COMPLETELY steals the movie, missing her eye for the majority of the film.


The end of the movie is absolutely heartbreaking. I won't give anything away, but be prepared for some tissues. Almost everyone I know, myself included and college-aged boys, cried for the last twenty minutes or so of the movie.

This movie is Disney/Pixar at its finest. Was this my favorite movie in the franchise? No. However, they did fall as follows:

1. Toy Story
2. Toy Story 3
3. Toy Story 2

I can't believe that this trilogy was almost the first for all three films to have a 100% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I also fully support petitions against the three (just THREE) critics that gave the film less than positive reviews, mostly because I don't feel that the second installment was nearly as good as the third. I would definitely flip flop these scores - however, Toy Story 3 is still boasting a 98% Fresh rating, which is outstanding for a film on the site.

This movie was everything that I wanted and even more after waiting eleven years, which was great. The time off and away from Andy's toys really seemed to go a long way and it shows in the quality of the film. I laughed, I cried and I loved. This wasn't as sad as a three-minute montage of "when somebody loved me," but in a new way. Buzz has some glitches and it's hilarious. Hamm and Mr. Potatohead are sarcastic. The humor in this movie (as in the previous two) was very smart; something you can only appreciate once you get older as my mom told me when I was little and as I see now. On that note, it was great to see the wide range of people in the theater. There were little kids there that were introduced to these characters on the big screen for the very first time and then there were people my age, in their early twenties, that were introduced to these characters eleven years ago, catching up with old friends on-screen and off.

That's what the movie felt like. It felt like I was catching up with old friends again. It was familiar and it didn't disappoint. The commercials are not lying when they say, "you want all movies to be this good." I saw the film in 3D, but I don't think that you HAVE to see the film in 3D to appreciate it (as the best of movies seem to work).

It had been so long since I'd seen a Disney/Pixar film in theaters that I forgot about the Pixar shorts in the beginning. There was a very beautiful one called Day & Night before Toy Story 3 and it was just as charming as the feature film. It was visually stunning and really told a story without using any words. I really hope it's released with the DVD because I'd like to own it.

Overall, I give Toy Story 3 an A rating. It's not an A+ like the first installment (that was so original and unique), but it was a great film that I would pay $9 to see again in theaters. Definitely go check it out if you're on the fence. At the very least you'll get some laughs and some "awwe" moments out of it. :)

"You've Got a Friend in Me" by Randy Newman; 1995

Labels or Love?

"Year after year, twenty-something women come to New York in search of the two L's: labels and love. Twenty years ago, I was one of them."

I hope to be one of those women by the time I'm twenty-three. Needless to say, Sex and the City is the life (though, less promiscuous) I dream of when I finally get the balls to relocate to NYC and when Carrie Bradshaw said these words in the first movie, tears leapt into my eyes, making me giddy.

I was quite ecstatic to find out what I could about the sequel and I couldn't believe that the day was finally upon me last Thursday. It was finally time to get reacquainted with the girls and see what they had been up to for two years.

It was exciting and refreshing to see the girls as they met in the late 80s and it added to my anticipation. I whispered to my friend, watching Carrie struggle with her luggage in 1986 New York, "Is this going to be me in two years, but with smaller hair?"

The movie was pretty funny, highlights including Samantha thrusting the air, screaming, "Yes, CONDOMS! I HAVE SEX!" and Miranda's enthusiasm about going to Abu Dhabi. The thing that I was anticipating the most was the return of Aidan Shaw, a great love lost on Carrie's part. As someone who doesn't entirely care for Mr. Big, I was hoping Carrie would realize what a horrible mistake she's made and get back together with Aidan, as outrageous as that seems.

The major complaint that I have in terms of that subject matter is that I wish Aidan was in it more. I also agree with the majority of critics to an extent. There's no true blue substance to this movie. It definitely did not need to be as long as it was, that's for sure. There was a point somewhere between Carrie's first encounter with Aidan and her second that my mind started to wander.

It was a pleasing little girls night out film, but it doesn't stand as strong as the first one. I missed being in New York, as beautiful as "Abu Dhabi" (or actually Morocco) was. You can't have Sex and the City, when you can't have Samantha having sex IN the city. Samantha, who I would have choked if she started thrusting the air around me in conservative Abu Dhabi. She's lucky she only got arrested in my opinion.

The character that truly shines is surprisingly Miranda, who I usually detest. She was light and funny, having ultimately quit her job and when she made it to see Brady win the science fair, it made me so happy for her. I'm glad she's getting everything she wants, especially after her major screw-up in the first fillm. It was quite a developmental change for her character.

As for Charlotte and Carrie, well...I felt a little bad for them both. Then my sympathy for Carrie went out the window when she insulted Charlotte, running off to meet her ex-fiance.

Something missing too much from both movies? STANFORD! He's my favorite character and I was so happy to see his nuptials with Anthony, and I know he's not really one of the girls, but a little part of me wishes I could have seen him in Abu Dhabi. Or, you know, seen the development of his relationship with Anthony. That was definitely missing in the first one. Talk about random.

Overall, the movie wasn't awful. Hands down, my favorite outfit of Carrie's was this one:
I just thought that outfit was sheer perfection and I want it. So bad.

I don't slam Sex and the City 2 like most other critics do, but it definitely wasn't on the same bar as the first one, in my opinion. I give it a B-. It is a great girls night out, though, and a ton of fun.

"Labels or Love" by Fergie; 2008

Tik Tok

"I gotta fly once, I gotta try once; only can die once, right sir? Oh life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir."

As mixed as my feelings are about Barbara Streisand, there is no denying that "Don't Rain on My Parade" is a powerhouse and has been revived thanks to Lea Michele and Glee. I've been listening to that song a lot. There's something about it that's helping me get through my "OMGI'MASENIORINCOLLEGE" crisis.

I know it's been a while, let's play catch up. Tom and I are no longer friends. Tom put his girlfriend before our friendship and hasn't talked to me since I responded wrongly to news that she hit a deer. For the record, Gertrude is fine and didn't do any damage and probably hurt the deer more than her car, but I let out a chuckle and we're no longer friends. We haven't talked since February. Rude.

Ever since Tom and I stopped talking, I've done a lot of soul searching and figuring out of who I am, especially since I didn't entirely like who I was when we were friends. It's sad that we're not friends anymore; it's always sad when a friendship ends, but I'm really...not that bent out of shape about it. There are times it's a little strange, but when things go wrong...I'm not sure I'll be there for him (I'm not sure I can forgive him), and that's what makes me a little sad.

Oh well, like I said before (and many times before) this is the summer devoted to me. I'm determined to get back into shape after letting myself go for a semester and just get in some me time. I'm not working too much because BBW doesn't have enough hours, so I've been working out and reading, just as life should be in the summer.

My mom and I are still debating my post graduation plans; she wants me to stay and I want to leave. I need to leave. I think it's important and Pittsburgh doesn't really offer what I want, but...moving to a big city, moving to New York City, kind of scares me.

We'll see.

"Tik Tok" by Ke$ha; 2009