Sunday, September 27, 2009

Everything I'm Not

"I feel like the girl who ditches a cocktail party to see a rock band play."

It is like
Twilight star, Rachelle Lefevre can see a part of my soul. I don't know how or why, but I've always been easily influenced by the media. Don't misunderstand, I'm not one to easily give in to peer pressure - in fact, the more you insist I do something, the more I get pissed off and my odds of snapping at you are much more raised, especially if it's something I seldom do to begin with or don't like.

I used to have a startlingly amount of confidence in high school, in fact, an ex said I was borderline arrogant. I don't know what happened when I went to college, but I lost all of that and I want to know why? Just because I switched locations and am surrounded by much more politically conservative people does not make ME less fabulous. I never used to let what insecure, sometimes trashy girls said get to me - so why the hell is it now?

Sure, I may have horrible eating habits, I may not go to the gym, I may procrastinate, but I work hard. I managed a successful sorority recruitment, and not to sound cocky, but I'm pretty. Why am I letting other people get to me? I have ALWAYS been ridiculously insecure, but at least in high school, I managed to mask it well with my arrogance. I need that back. Spending time with my wonderful Big Big, Emily made me realize that.

In regards to my life-changing healthy year, it's safe to say that the junk food junkie, lazy bones in me is still there. I haven't had time to do much because of recruitment, but now recruitment is over and I can get back on track. I still procrastinate, but not nearly as much as I did last year. Small changes.

The plus side is that I have an internship now! I'm writing entertainment blogs for, which is a great site for college students (directed at women) and incoming college students. There are many different topics discussed and it's super beneficial and fun :) Check it out.

I promise to be much better with blogging in the future.
Julie and Julia inspired me to take it much more seriously. It's a great movie and if it hadn't been done, I would try to cook through Ina Garten's cookbooks (and gain 900 pounds). I love the Barefoot Contessa :)

Steelers play today! Recover from that loss, boys.
Pittsburgh Steeler Time!!!!

"Everything I'm Not" by The Veronicas; 2005

Thursday, August 13, 2009


"I know I've made some mistakes, but I'm turning my life around."

Wise words, Rebecca Bloomwood. Like Becky, today I've decided to become a recovering shopaholic. A friend of mine didn't receive the full amount of loan money she requested and is struggling with trying to afford tuition. I haven't heard back from Sallie Mae, yet. I'm worried.

Also, watching Wifeswap actually inspired it, surprisingly enough. A family on the show paid off their $700,000 house by saving money and only buying the essentials. They are only thirty-one. If their kids wanted something, they had to pay for it themselves. Since I don't have kids, this should be even easier!

I have several things that I've decided to change that should help me save money:

1) Leaving the debit card at home. I will take out twenty bucks for snacks/take out/etc. whenever I go out and just...when I'm out of that, I'm out of money. Period. That way I won't say, "Oh if I just get this and nothing else," or the age old, "As long as I keep my account such and such an amount, I'll be okay."

2) Getting rid of things. My mom oftentimes jokes but with seriousness behind it that she wants to put me on Intervention or Obsessed, once she figures out if she wants to market me as a shopaholic or a hoarder. I keep things. I have emotional attachment to everything...and it

3) Change all of my favorites. My list below my toolbar includes,,,, gmail, my university email, and HALF of those are shopping websites. I check them weekly for new arrivals. That's BAD.

4) Use the giftcards and then STOP. I get money for Christmas and gift cards, and I use up all my gift cards and then move in on the money instead of saving it. I'm immediately going to deposit the money into a savings account (which I'm going to open, thankfully PNC has an awesome wallet program) and use the giftcards and only the giftcards.

5) "Do I need this?" In Confessions of a Shopaholic, Becky's roommate Suze gets a DVD called something like "Control Your Urge to Shop" and the second step (after clearing out the unnecessary things) was that every time you go shopping ask yourself, "Do I need this?" Now, this backfires on Becky as she goes to a sample sale, but under normal circumstances (as someone that doesn't live in a place where there are sample sales) it isn't so hard to do. I've tried it and have noticed (sometimes regretably) that no, I do not need it and so I don't buy it.

I'm sure there are/will be other things I come across that help me with my money saving/life changing adventure. We will also see how well this ends up working out. :)

In other news, it's football season in Pittsburgh again. YES. I need it after all of that hockey madness and...let's not discuss the Pirates. The Steelers makes the fall really fall, it gets me ready to go back to school, ready for Halloween (though the decorations in Yankee Candle and candy displays in the grocery store...already, help), ready for Thanksgiving, which ultimately get me ready for my all time favorite holiday, Christmas! :)

Can't wait! Here we go, Steelers, here we go!

"Changes" by David Bowie; 1971

Saturday, August 8, 2009

So Long Sweet Summer

"We could be sitting in the computer lab, four a.m. before the final paper is due, cursing the world cause I didn't start sooner and seeing the rest of the class there, too."

The creators of Avenue Q (closing on Broadway in September) had it so right. Those lines in that song remind me of being in eleventh grade when I pulled my first all-nighter. My teacher assigned us a research project to prepare us for our senior project and of course I (and most of my class) procrastinated. I logged onto AIM at about 3am and the only people on my buddy list were in my class or had my teacher.

I also remember my best friend and I declaring that after all of that hard work that we didn't just want As, but we DESERVED them by that point. She had to go to Walmart at five in the morning to get ink so she could print it and I slept on the living room floor, too afraid that if I went into my bed, I wouldn't wake up in seventy-five minutes to go to school.

Weeeeeell, it's that time of year again, time to go back to school. :) Except this year, things are changing for me.

As is obvious from my abovementioned story, I am the QUEEN of procrastination, lazing about, eating very bad for you things very late at night and I have since mastered the art of an A-worthy all-nighter (unless the subject is philosophy).

It is time for that to end. Rebecca Bloomwood said it best: "I know I made some mistakes, but I'm turning my life around."

Honestly, that's what all of those qualities I listed amount to. Mistakes. And now it's time to turn my life around. It isn't cool to pull an all-nighter, you just sound unorganized and LUCKY if you manage to get a good grade on the assignment. This is especially easy in college when you get a syllabus for every class and know months in advance when assignments are due.

Therefore, along with turning my life around, I'm also turning this blog around, which makes sense since I haven't written since May. Here I will post about the trials and tribulations (haha, oh yes) of a junk food, lazy fiend trying to become healthier and organized.

I'm enjoying the last few weeks of my lifestyle and August 24th, 2009, when classes begin, so does my healthier point of view on life. I will be attending the gym on campus five days a week and, while not excluding anything from my diet, practicing self-restraint, with the help of Real Houswife of NYC, Bethenny Frankel's book, Naturally Thin, which is great and highly recommended :)

I'm spending the remainder of the summer gradually adjusting my life so it wouldn't be such a shock when school began. For example, I'm drinking less pop (or soda, for those of you not from Pittsburgh), I'm trying to drink the suggested amount of water, I'm eating more veggies, etc. This is beyond my desire to lose weight, this is now about trying to get healthy, especially after realizing how many things run in my family, i.e. diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.

So, I'm saying goodbye to a sweet summer, eager for all of the things that this new year will bring. Hopefully at four a.m., I won't be sitting in the computer lab the night before the final paper is due anymore. It is time for me to take Rebecca Bloomwood's advice (something I normally wouldn't say, since I also am a shopaholic) and turn my life around.

"So Long Sweet Summer" by Dashboard Confessional; year unknown.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

All That's Known

"All they say is, 'Trust in what is written.' Wars are made and somehow that is wisdom. Thought is suspect and money is their idol, and nothing is okay unless it's scripted in their Bible."

So, I've had some time to mull over the fact that California hates a large chunk of the country. That got me thinking about lots of wrongs.

Such as, the intense fight to legalize gay marriage, being "black," and the fact that women are still getting paid less than men.

We'll go in order. Firstly, why is it such a big deal? Sure, the Bible says that lying with man as man lies with woman is an abomination, but does anybody else know beyond that? We shouldn't be eating shrimp or lobster, or wearing fabric woven of two materials or it's considered an abomination. Oh really? Secondly, if you read the Bible that literally, you also believe in slavery and sexism because it is throughout the Bible (based upon the little I have read).

I don't truly, wholeheartedly believe in marriage as an institution as it stands, but I definitely don't know if I would want to be part of an institution that excludes people that are truly in love, but allows people such as Kate Gosselin to get married. California royally screwed up and I am embarrassed at my country that this is even an issue. How do we expect kids to stop thinking it's bad to be gay or to stop using it as a taunt when the government portrays it that way? When we have hicks such as Carrie Prejean or cruel, closeted, overly macho men saying that it is wrong to be gay?

I have so many thoughts on this subject that I'm starting to get flustered. The point that I'm trying to make is that this hate needs to end. Did we not learn anything from Matthew Shepherd? How many innocent people need to die or be mistreated before something is actually done?

My second nagging topic, this mess about "blackness." It truly bothers me that because I use proper grammar, am still a virgin, and I apply myself in school that I'm not considered black. Funny, because if faced with a racist person, they won't consider those facts, they'll only consider the color of my skin. There is a significant difference between being black and being ignorant and being ghetto. Anybody can be ghetto, just turn on Maury for fifteen minutes. Anybody can be ignorant, and anyone who says that someone is less black or talks white or is an Oreo is ignorant.

Just because I prefer showtunes and acoustic rock to rap and hip hop does not mean I am less black. Just because I'm an English major at a school where I am the minority doesn't mean I am less black. Just because I have never been in a serious fight, never used ebonics, don't have WAMO as a preset on my radio...these things don't make me black. The color of my skin does. However, the assumption that these things are what makes me black is what makes you ignorant. I don't think every white person likes country music and banjos and poorly seasoned food. That would make me ignorant.

Obama is considered black. He is well-spoken, well-educated, and the 44th President of the United States of America. What? Just because I'm not the 44th President of the United States of America? Just because I'm not a man?

Which brings me to my final point. This men/women double standard. I never really saw it, but I honestly think it's getting worse the older that I get. Maybe because I'm getting less naive? Who knows. The point is, when is this 1950s housewife mentality going to completely disappear? My stepfather expects my mom to make dinner and then bitches when it's not something he wants (for the record, he's forty years old and capable of making something that he actually likes since he's the world's pickiest eater...including myself).

There was a woman on the Tyra Show today who actually believed that women were only put on this earth to get married and have children. That's it. We are put on this earth for that sole reason. The only reason why Eve existed was for Adam. How does a woman think like that, even in this day and age?

I'm thoroughly disappointed with the state of this country at this point.

In my perfect world, everyone would be allowed to get married if they really wanted to (but again, not a firm believer in that institution), the expression "you are so/not black" would cease to exist, and women would step it up. Is that really so much to ask for?

For such a "progressive" country, we sure are ass backwards. We all have a lot of work to do. We can't dump it all on Barack Obama. We are one of the most closeted country's in the world and I don't understand how, knowing that, Americans can still think they're hot shit and not understand why the world tends to hate us.

America is a mess and if any of us want change, we can't rely solely on the President. We need to step it up and make it happen. NOH8 - and that means all minorities. Turn this country into what it is supposed to be.

"All That's Known" from Spring Awakening; 2006

Thursday, May 14, 2009

This is Me

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one."

John Lennon said that. It sums me up...pretty completely.

I don't really believe in blogging, most of the time, but then seems like a reasonable outlet. Half-finished novels aren't a good outlet given the fact that they end at some point. Even a good series has an end point. Yes, I consider
Harry Potter to be a good series...the Twilight series has good intentions, but, alas, falls flat.

I've just turned twenty years old and I'm having a...fifth life crisis. The transition from having -teen tacked onto the end of your age to becoming a person in their twenties is monumental. A new chapter. Not good for someone with Peter Pan syndrome, such as myself.

I am overly critical, yet lazy. I'm annoyingly insecure, yet arrogant. I'm overwhelmingly creative, yet completely unoriginal. I'm extremely sexual, yet virginal. I'm very smart, yet goofy. I'm a shell of walking contradictions, and as I'm finally accepting the fact that...yes, I'm going to have to eventually grow up, I'm finding out who I am. It only took two years in college to figure out that that's what college is really for (you know, besides that education thing that I'm paying 31,000 dollars a year to earn).

I was going to name my blog "Confessions of a College Virgin," but decided against it. Not that I'm not proud (though I am surprised) by the fact, it just gives it an entirely different meaning, though I am one. "Confessions of a Shopaholic" has been used and will probably soon be overused, though I am one. "Confessions of an Aspiring Writer" made it sound like I was hoping someone would read this and publish me, though I am one. However, I'm also a dreamer. I'm naive. I firmly believe in global warming, that something is going to happen on 12/21/2012, and that if I work hard, I will get all that I want in life.

I really hate introductions. I get flustered and feel like I'm really self-centered, which is what I feel about blogging...and tweeting for that matter. Yet somehow, here I am blogging and I, in fact, have a Twitter. The point is, I am a little self-centered, aren't we all?, and I'm also modest and don't take compliments well at all, for that matter.

So, the point of this is, basically, a little self-discovery minus the pettiness that flooded my livejournal, back when those were cool...back when I was a narcissistic, judgmental fifteen (and eighteen) year-old. This should be a grand ol' time. :)

I also really like music. And because of that all of my blog titles are also song titles. I like everything (except metal and country...and a chunk of rap music), focusing primarily on Broadway Cast Recordings, acoustic rock, late 90s bubblegum pop, and all Mandy Moore (an admiration I cannot explain to say the least, in the least). Don't be surprised with the songs you may think you've forgotten about that I manage to dig up for these :) I think it's fun and music is an excellent way to express yourself.

"This is Me" by Dream; 2001