Goodbye

"But the only thing really that there is to do is forgive and forget. So, I really do, I want to forgive you...and I want to forget you."

Yes, I know it's from The Hills. THE HILLS?! But this exchange between former best friends Lauren and Heidi has come into my mind a lot as of late. With the recent demise of my friendship with Tom and watching Jill and Bethenny fall apart on The Real Housewives of NYC, I got to thinking about friendships.

I know that good friends last a lifetime, but how do you know someone's a really good friend. A friend should love you no matter what, right? A friend should listen to whatever you have to say and not judge you for it (perhaps guide you in a proper direction, but never judge). A friend should listen as much as they talk. A friend shouldn't talk about you behind your back (unless they're planning an intervention, in which case they're just being a good friend).

However, I've noticed a lot of my friends don't really fill this criteria. My so-called best friend (though, she thinks we are more than I do) judges me for dating people, being friends with people, etc. We're growing apart, even though we went to the same college and I'm more willing to accept it than her. It's really sad, but it's a part of life.

The one girl I've known forever, I would consider her my best friend, but I don't get to see her or talk to her very often. We're growing apart, but in a different way where we can kind of pick up right where we left off. I'm a senior in college. There's no prospect even the slightest bit on the horizon, but with a decent amount of my friends/people I know engaged, I sometimes think about my wedding way down the line and I honestly have no idea who my Maid of Honor would be...or my Mister of Honor.

In high school it was my on-again/off-again now ex-boyfriend that hands down would've been my Best Man. Now...I have no idea. And I HATE that so many people are getting married that I'm thinking about it. I'm not a committal person. I don't really like commitment. What difference does it make? I'll find one. Yet, it's still nagging me.

But then, I'm moving (fingers crossed). I'm a senior in college. I'm applying to grad schools. Five schools. One in Pittsburgh. Who knows what will happen if I relocate to NYC or SoCal? I just really hope I end up there. I don't want to be stuck here for two more years.

I feel like I'm hitting a rut and I'm far too young for that. Trying to get in shape is awful. I just don't get running! Like my friend Katelyn goes running and she's all, "No, you need to just run for like fifteen minutes and then your endorphins kick in and it's easy."

...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RUN THAT LONG? I can't even make it entirely around the block before my stomach feels flippy and my legs just want to buckle? Maybe if I didn't live in Pittsburgh, one of the hilliest places on the planet it'd be easier, but going up and down hill makes it impossible. I played field hockey and steered clear of cross country in high school for a reason.

I just wish I could wiggle my nose and be in shape. It's beyond even wanting to lose weight anymore, I just want to be able to walk up a hill and not huff and puff like an 80 year-old lifelong smoker. I still have a little more than a month before I head back to school, let's make this happen, right? Focusing on working out does help take my mind off of all the friendship nonsense that started this post, which is good :) If anyone has workout tips/healthy advice, please share! I'm drowning here.

"Goodbye" by The Spice Girls; 1998