Never Think

"He's like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."

This is kinda long. Sorry, I have a lot of beef with this idea.

So, I've been thinking a lot about Eclipse lately. I went to see it at midnight and then again yesterday, wondering why it didn't really have an effect on me the first time. Surprisingly, this cheap, silly, fluffy film has got me thinking a lot about myself. Why was it rubbing me so wrong? This was my favorite book in the series, everyone was declaring "The best Twilight yet!" and somehow...I felt nothing.

Then, towards the end of yesterday's viewing of the film, I realized what it was that I don't like about it. I really detest Edward Cullen. I can hear crazed fangirl hearts breaking all over the world and plots of my death right now, but...I'm sorry. I just don't like the guy. This goes beyond my being on Team Jacob (sorry, I am), to the fact that he's kind of a huge douche.

Yes, I've said it. Edward Cullen is a douche and his relationship...Bella and Edward's relationship embodies everything I don't want. Ever. He's a lying, manipulative douchebag. Things he admits to in Twilight ("Everything about me invites you in.") and New Moon ("You can't trust vampires, trust me."), only solidify these in Eclipse when he lies to Bella not once, not twice, but continually throughout the movie/book. He lies about Alice's vision, even though it directly affects her safety. He screws with her engine. He won't let her visit Jake, her best friend who stopped her from killing herself when Edward went MIA. He manipulates her into telling Jake she (stupidly) accepted Edward's marriage proposal. Maybe he should be a little more appreciative to Jacob, since this kid saved his "reason for existing" when she was suicidal because of HIM. There is nothing honest about this guy.

His possessiveness is borderline abusive and the first sign to look for in abusive relationships. He's so clingy, it makes me sick. And don't even get me started on Bella. She's a sad and sorry excuse for a modern woman. I despise the way the reader/viewer is tricked into thinking she's really making this decision for herself because she feels "more like myself" in the vampire world, rather than making such a rash decision by being a horny teenager, like she actually is.

It's a melodramatic action, to be willing to throw one's entire life away family, friends everything, just for a boy you love at seventeen, to entirely change for the boy you love. A melodramatic action that only a naive seventeen year old would make, which is why this is kind of believable. What isn't is Charlie's acceptance of all this. Yeah, I know Bella's legally an adult, but there's NO WAY Charlie would be okay with this. Ever. He's actually a decent parental unit. He would've stepped in.

But that gets me on the tangent of Breaking Dawn, which I'm not even touching right now (you're not Harry Potter).

The thing that really trips me up is...are there really girls that feel this way? That find this possessiveness romantic? I remember being infatuated with Edward Cullen (until New Moon happened, because I am a modern woman and Jacob is the more modern man) when I was in high school. Thank GOD I didn't read this when I was more impressionable. Thank GOD I don't have a crappy mom. Who knows what I'd believe about the sanctity of marriage and falling in love in high school.

I was very much in love in high school. I still love him very much, but I'd never in a million years want to marry him. At least not without experiencing my twenties first. Who knows, we very well could end up together, but if we do, at least I won't be wondering "What if?" like Bella Swan (more than likely) realistically would in ten years when it's too late and she feels what Rosalie told her.

It just...it's obviously not just me, but it's also, in some ways, just me...I think if you get married that young...in today's day and age...you're throwing your life away. I know, there's that "OMIGOD! YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE ONE. IF YOU MET THE ONE, YOU'D KNOW!" romanticism, but...I don't think I would. I could very well meet the one and that's great, but I wouldn't let myself marry him. Not now. My life is just beginning. There's so much I want to do that I don't want to be tied down for? I want to move to New York and live in a crappy apartment above an Indian restaurant, which makes the whole place smell like curry. I want to lay on the beach in LA and write a book. I want to go to grad school. I want to go to Paris for six months. I want to live alone for a little. I want to live with roommates a little. Most importantly, I just want to live.

Is there nothing Bella wanted to do? Did she not want to live? Because ultimately, she is begging for her murder...asking for suicide. Yeah, it's morbid when it's tossed in your face in such blunt language, isn't it?

Obviously, everything worked out great for her and she managed to get it all so why not get married to the boy that makes your palms sweat and your cheeks rosy junior year of high school? Everything will come up roses if you follow that plan of action. You change for the boy of your dreams (UGH) and magically it's for the better. You get the best friend. The family...and most important the guy you changed for at the end of it all. And maybe a "little nudger" to make your family complete.

Maybe it's just my cynicism, but just that thought makes me itch. I can't imagine being twenty-one with a child and a husband. Jacob was actually right in Eclipse when he said something along the lines of "I can't believe you're ending your life before you really even lived." Jessica elaborates in her valedictorian speech: "Now is the time to make mistakes" (kudos screenwriter, you knocked that out of the ball park). It is the time to live, it is the time to make mistakes. Not change for your husband and abandon your support system.

I'm just offended by Stephenie Meyer setting us back in time. I'll end this with the same Facebook status I had after I saw New Moon:

Bella Swan: Setting women back since 2005.

Thanks for nothing.

"Never Think" (aptly titled) by Rob Pattinson; 2008